Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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