Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
