she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize