I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
