I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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