if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
