Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
