Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
