she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
