everyone is single if you try hard enough
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
