She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
