Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
