I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
