Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
