Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
