i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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