i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You pole danced in your parka.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
