nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
