There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
