No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
