I wish I could punch you in the face.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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