i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Everclear isn't food dammit
I party with great urgency now.
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