So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
