Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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