break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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