Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
