So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
