At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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