I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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