Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
