If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize