im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
