Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
