So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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