There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
