I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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