is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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