his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
