Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
