He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
