I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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