Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
