FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
