I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
