the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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