i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
soo... how was my night?
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