Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
