yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
