Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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