also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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