Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize