life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
