Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
