I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
