Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize