Jerry, you need to find god
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
