I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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