This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
