so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
