My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
