I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
