i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
