You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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