Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
