The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
