if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
this hospital has no fireball
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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