Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
