I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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